just because it doesn't matter doesn't mean you shouldn't do it

I rather dislike apathy and complacency.

Okay, I really really REALLY hate it, and here's why.

A wise man once said that whatever we do in life will be insignificant, but that it is important that we do it anyways. Far too many people remain stagnant in their thoughts and emotions and actions out of extreme complacency and selfish apathy. We should never talk ourselves out of moving forward because we believe our actions to be insignificant.

I used to refuse to follow politics and current affairs and the like. This rather ludicrous decision of mine stemmed from a few places- disinterest mainly. Also, there were no major elections being held at the time. I'm sure arrogance factored in somewhere.The most disturbing motivation, however, was that I believed because I was one I could not make a difference.

I was quite wrong. "One" is the difference between so many things.

This whole revelation has been building for a while, and I'm not about to sit still on the heels of it. I've decided to start regularly reading a couple of newspapers to know what's going on. When I get back to the states I am going to register to vote. I may be only one college student, but goshdarnit I am going to try my hardest to make a difference or to at least show a bit of interest in the goings on of others. This whole not caring business is rather selfish and hardhearted. I want my soul back; somewhere in the past few years it was eaten up with cynicism and apathy. If I stop caring this early in life, then there is little hope for the rest of my time.

The Help

I went and saw The Help with my best friend last night. I love it. A lot. If you haven't seen it, go watch it. I should probably mention at this point that I have committed reader-sin... I have yet to read the book The Help. Anyways, it's inspired me to try and be a bit more thankful for things that I take for granted. They are as follows (I promise my listing habit will dissipate soon):

1. Insulin: (I've mentioned before that I'm diabetic.) Insulin has only been readily available in the past century or so. I'm not sure if diabetes has been recognized as an illness for longer than that, and I'm a bit too lazy to wade through all the stuff that pops up when I google the topic. Either way, it's pretty safe to say that had I been born before 1930 or so, I probably would have been in pretty bad shape.

2. Reading and Writing: I am a woman ( I know, "no duh") but that doesn't really make much difference today. I don't really think I need to explain the history of equality among men and women... needless to say, women have not always been allowed the right to read and write. I don't know what I would do without my novels and journals.

3. Equality: I could've listed reading and writing under this, but I think they deserve their own spot. I am so very thankful that I live in a country that doesn't tolerate racism. Well, that does it's damnedest to not tolerate it. My heart goes out to anyone who doesn't have this privilege. The fear and anger and paranoia that such a hateful practice breeds- it makes for a horrible environment to live in.

4. Freedom of Religion: I may not be the most religious, and when I am feeling particularly moralistic and churchy I may buy into the religion of choice in our country. That's not to say I don't deeply value tolerance; like I've said before, hatefulness is a horrible thing to live around- for the haters and the hated alike. A country becomes toxic any time there is a break in respect for each other.

5. My Parents: In the movie, Aibileen tells the little girl she watches "You is kind, you is smart, you is important." My mom was always very careful to watch what she said to my sister and me, always making sure it was a positive statement rather than a negative. My dad never stopped believing in what my sister and I could do. I know neither of them grew up in that situation- not at all. And I know lots of people who don't have good parents. I'm very thankful for mine.

I could probably go on all day listing out what I'm thankful for, but I feel like these five take the cake. I think it's a great exercise, this listing out what one is thankful for. I encourage anyone reading this to try it; hell, you don't even have to write it out. Just think about it.

goodness

Today, I finished my school supplies shopping. It made me feel very accomplished, which is fantastic. Feeling accomplished, that is. I haven't in a while; I've just had so much going on that I don't have time to savor the fuzzy-accomplished-feelings before moving on to the next thing. Anyways, I have a deep dark secret I need to share. You know how sometimes you REALLY need to just blurt something out to get it off your chest? Like that one Poe story with the beating heart. Well I need to confess something.

I have an office supplies fetish. Okay, maybe fetish is a strong word... no, wait, it's not. It's definitely a fetish. I flippin' love office supplies. Especially post-its. I have a stash of post-its. Every year I go school supplies shopping, and I get a couple of things of post-its... and I never use them all. And so I have been accumulating post-its since I was in middle school. I also really love moleskins- they're amazing and durable and they're just feel-good notebooks. And oh my goodness the purple pens. I LOVE purple pens. I have planners, too. I have a planning fetish as well. I have a day planner and a wall calendar and my phone and facebook and...

There, I feel much better now.

it'll light up the sky

When I was growing up, my mom used to quote her dad: Either do it right, or don't do it at all. I live by this, unwittingly- which is why it's so miraculous and dumbfounding that I haven't yet applied it to my romances and relationships. But no longer!

Mom and I saw the Help today. It was fantastic, though heart wrenching for her (it takes a lot for me to have my heart torn at by a movie); she grew up in the same type of maid-raising-the-chillens situation. Anyways, it struck me in the middle of it all, this thought:

I want a roll of thunder type of love.

I don't want to settle. I am so very sick of settling. I don't want romance; romance is just flowers and having to look good all the time and kisses and sugar coated lies to make you feel good. I want the raw, unmistakable, powerful love that just takes your breath away. The kind that says "So what if you look like death? I don't care. Not at all." The kind that isn't afraid to yell and scream.

I think that's the main difference between actual love and what we think is love but is actually romance- the anger. When you love someone, you aren't afraid to show every side of yourself- the good, the bad, the ugly. Romance has to be prim and proper all the time. I hate that.

So I am going to just move on... waiting for my roll of thunder.

this made me smile

Because it is entirely too far overdue

So without further ado, here is my list of Must-Reads (in no particular order)

Preacher by Garth Ennis
I've already rambled a bit about this one. Basically, there's this preacher who gets possessed by the unnatural spawn of an angel and a demon. Not good, right? So he goes on a very Western-like quest to get rid of the little bugger. The series consists of ten graphic novels, and it made me question and then reaffirm my faith, which is always a good exercise for anyone. But beware- it's a tad vulgar.

Stranger in a Strange Land by Robert A. Heinlein
This novel tells the story of Michael Valentine Smith, a "martian" who's actually a human who just grew up on Mars. Crazy, huh? Anyways, there is a truly amazing amount of love-for-one's-neighbor within the story. But know this- you'll probably have to read it at least a couple of times before you grok it.

The Mortal Instruments Series by Cassandra Clare
Yes, the main character is a ginger named Clary. No, this is not why I ADORE this series. Okay, maybe it has something to do with it. But I mean, with a ginger protagonist, it has to be good, right? Right. Anyways, this is your basic teen-angst-fantasy series. It's better than Twilight, not as good as Harry Potter, but still fantastic- though I will admit it is a beach-books type read. The first three books are out, the next three to come out in the next two years. There is also a prequel series coming out as well.  

The Abhorsen Series by Garth Nix
This is my favorite series from middle school. I'm not even going to try to explain the plot, mostly because I'd have to use jargon that doesn't really make sense in a two-sentence summary. The series- which consists of three books, Sabriel, Lireal, and Abhorsen- is in your face fantasy, but don't let that dissuade you. It's absolutely fabulous. 

The Great Gatsby, The Love of the Last Tycoon, and This Side of Paradise by F. Scott Fitzgerald
Everyone needs a little Fitzgerald in their life. Is he a tad depressing? Maybe. But his use of language is phenomenal and his look at American life during the first half of the 20th century is unique and revealing. And readers can learn from all of his characters. Gatsby shows how to not go about loving someone; Stahr displays how to be a workaholic with a soul; Amory acts out the arrogant impulses of American youth. What's even better is that most of these are in the public domain, so you can find the full texts for free somewhere online.  

The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky
The story is told by Charlie, a socially awkward teenager, through letters to an anonymous character. Basically a great coming of age novel, though seriously heart-wrenching at the end. I've read this book three times. Read it, love it, repeat. 

As Simple As Snow by Gregory Galloway
Basic " boy meets goth girl, courts goth girl, goth girl disappears" plot. But another great coming of age novel. AND there's this fun interactive website that corresponds with the mystery aspect of it. Once again, read it, love it, repeat. 

Looking For Alaska by John Green
Obscene, vulgar, amusing, insightful... Yet another coming of age novel. And yet again, read it, love it, repeat. 
 
The Harry Potter Series by J.K. Rowling
I don't really care if you don't like fantasy novels, or if you think "kid's books" are "beneath you." The Harry Potter series is one of the most influential and widely read series of the past half century. As such, active and "well read" members of society should read at least the first novel so as to have an informed stance on the books. It has marked a generation just like Star Wars marked generations before ours. If you haven't read it, take action to rectify such a grievous oversight at once. 

The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins
It's actually a trilogy, consisting of The Hunger Games, Catching Fire, and Mockingjay; they all definitely have a futuristic dystopia type theme. The series follows the actions of Katniss, who unwittingly starts a rebellion when she outsmarts a brutality-filled entertainment event called the hunger games where young children are forced to fight to the death in a survivor type scenario. It sounds rather horrifying, but trust me- it's addictive (and not in the voyeuristic type of way). 

1984 by George Orwell and Brave New World by Aldous Huxley
These are both dystopia novels- 1984 talks about a government oppression based on poverty, Brave New World speaks of one based on vice. Both are excellent in their own right. Read 1984 and you'll no longer take for granted written words. Dive into Brave New World you won't ever look at your smartphone the same way again. -shudder- 

The Vampire Chronicles by Anne Rice
I love Anne Rice's writing style. Everyone's allowed a few irrationals and a few inexplicables; well my love for these books is one of my inexplicables. Just read a few, alright? My favorites are The Vampire Lestat, Queen of the Damned, and Memnoch the Devil. 

The Bible
Okay, here me out before you start disagreeing. The Bible is one of the oldest texts we have, as well as one of the most influential. If you believe everything in your handy dandy Gideon, great! Kudos to you. But if you don't (and thus think you needn't read the Bible), remember this: a great deal of the rhetoric we use in our literature and day-to-day language can be traced back to scripture. Read a couple of books from both the old and new testaments, if for no other reason than to be well informed and to pay homage to language.


and for your convenience, this list can be found there yonder under "Pages"

the great perhaps

This has been circling my mind; perhaps I should reread Looking for Alaska. Also, I love this quote... “Unless it’s mad, passionate, extraordinary love, it’s a waste of your time. There are too many mediocre things in life. Love shouldn’t be one of them.” 

this made my heart melt