Friday, April 29, 2011

Privacy in Unfortunate Times

“Privacy, he said, was a very valuable thing. Everyone wanted a place where they could be alone occasionally. And when they had such a place, it was only common courtesy in anyone else to who knew of it to keep his knowledge to himself.” (Orwell 137) It would seem as if George Orwell echoes the plea in Virginia Woolf’s A Room of One’s Own. In chapter three of her work, Woolf explains why she did not believe that a woman living in Shakespeare’s time could have written his plays; she outlines her argument based on the social conventions imposed upon women in the Elizabethan Era. However, the deprivations of privacy that she bases her assertion on as well as the consequences of such a deprivation did not only exist in Elizabethan England; these injustices also played a very prominent role in the world of Orwell’s 1984.

The phrase “a room of one’s own” means privacy in the most basic sense. It means getting dressed in the morning without someone watching, sleeping alone without another’s snores to interrupt one’s dreams. It means having space to breathe—both literally and figuratively. Of course, having “a room of one’s own” also means much more. For with these four walls, ceiling, floor, a door, a window (if one is lucky), also comes the walk-away-factor: the ability to yell out no! and slam the door. With one’s own bed and chair comes the allowance to sit and think or lie down and weep. And if one is so privileged to own a table or desk, then a room of one’s own means the sudden endless possibilities of self-expression.

In A Room of One’s Own, Woolf outlined a bleak existence of woman—one colored by servitude first to one’s family and then to one’s husband, of illiteracy or, at best, clandestine scribbling in the attic. Such an existence was no doubt characteristic of 16th-century English society. However, an even bleaker existence appears in Orwell’s novel. For in the dystopia laid out, no man or woman can hope for even a closet of their own, much less a room. “The Party,” the ominous political organization which controls every facet of public and private life, takes the place of the domineering parents and husband. The secretive, Gestapo-esque “thought police” make anything above basic literacy not only impossible but suicidal. Where women could see and interact with the Elizabethan oppressive forces, the oppressive force in 1984 only partially interacted with the Party members. It would even appear as if they only interacted with individuals such as the main character, Winston Smith, on the occasion of the individual’s arrest and then indirectly through various means of surveillance.

Rather than knowing the rules of existence, and finding way to function within them or live outside of them, the inhabitants of Winston’s London functioned with the hope that they did indeed do no wrong along with the fear that inevitably festers when life-or-death guidelines remain unclear. The uncertainty regarding the “do’s and don’ts” of surviving in such a totalitarian state only became worse when combined with the even more acute uncertainty of when they watch and scrutinize. As James Tyner explains, “[D]espite the extensive surveillance and police resources of the state, arrests appear to occur capriciously, thereby generating some uncertainty about the completeness of surveillance at any specific place or time. Particularly noteworthy is the seemingly randomness of surveillance in Orwell's world and, consequently, the induced paranoia of not knowing when one is being watched” (137).

Where a woman in the 16th century need only worry about hovering family members, those living in 1984 must worry about every facial expression, every word said aloud, every action. In every Party member’s home resides the ominous telescreen—a sort of two-way television situated in such a manner as to remain visible from every corner of the apartment. But, as Winston points out,
There was of course no way of knowing whether you were being watched at any given moment. How often, or on what system, the Thought police plugged in on any individual wire was guesswork. It was even conceivable that they watched everybody all the time. But at any rate they could plug in your wire whenever they wanted to. You had to live—did live, the habit became instinct—in the assumption that every sound you made was overheard, and, except in darkness, every movement scrutinized. (Orwell 2)
Such an invasion of privacy makes developing personal views and “preparing for social and civil life” near impossible (Ramsay 290). Of course, in a totalitarian state such as that of 1984, this is exactly what those in power aim for—complete control over the individual.  

The Party’s control extended beyond mere scrutiny; just as women suffered arranged marriages, so too did the inhabitants of Orwell’s 1984. Though the Party members did not exist in the hopeless state that Elizabethan women existed in—slavery to “a boy whose parents forced a ring upon her finger” (Woolf 2114)—they nevertheless existed in a sort of despairing situation. As Winston recalled, “All marriages between Party members had to be approved by a committee appointed for the purpose, and—thought the principle was never clearly stated—permission was always refused if the couple concerned gave the impression of being physically attracted to one another.” (Orwell 65) Of course, with the defilement of marriage came the perversion of sex, with all enjoyment and privacy taken out of the act by the constant presence of the telescreen. Marriage in Shakespeare’s time meant gaining money and status; in the dystopian London, “the only recognized purpose of marriage was to beget children for the service of the Party” (65). These children then grew up to spy on their parents, and almost inevitably turned their terrified mothers and fathers over to the Thought Police.

Without privacy in the home and no freedom within one’s family, both the conditions of Orwell’s dystopia and of Elizabethan society allow for no other freedom than that of one’s own thoughts. Without privacy, they could not even fully form their ways of viewing the world. Without solitude, both Orwell’s characters and Elizabethan women did not fully grow into their humanity; how could they have ever written a work as complex as Macbeth if they did not even fully understand themselves? No, no woman in Elizabethan England could have written Romeo and Juliet and no Party member could have written Julius Caesar, though not through any fault or inability of their own. They just happened to be so unlucky as to live in unforgiving times.

Orwell, George. 1984. New York: Signet Classics, 1977. Print.
Ramsay, Hayden. “Privacy, Privacies and Basic Needs.” The Heythrop Journal 51.2 (2010):  288-297. Web. 26 Apr. 2011.
Tyner, James A. “Self and Space, Resistance and Discipline: A Foucauldian Reading of George Orwell’s 1984.” Social & Cultural Geography 5.1 (2004): 130-137. Web. 26 Apr. 2011.
Woolf, Virginia. A Room of One’s Own. The Norton Anthology of English Literature: The Twentieth Century and After. Ed. Stephen Greenblatt. New York: Norton, 2006. 2113-2122. Print.

Sunday, April 24, 2011

we have leapt too far

I've adopted the "technology will be the death of us all" stance in the past few years. A couple of people have argued with me about it (all scientists, of course); a couple more have been so brave as to point out the hypocrisy in my claim. But I stand by it, and here is but a small portion of the why behind this statement.

http://villageofjoy.com/chernobyl-today-a-creepy-story-told-in-pictures/

Saturday, April 23, 2011

Friday, April 22, 2011

Oh man. Wait! No. Oh boy.

He walked into Starbucks- no, he glided into Starbucks. Gorgeous hair, gorgeous skin, gorgeous everything. His eyes lit with a haughtiness and apathetic arrogance that screamed sex appeal. His lips twitched up into a quirky smirk at each of the three women in the cafe. I became acutely entranced by the gyrating of his hips as he swaggered up to order. Four words jolted me from my reverie: "Hazelnut hot chocolate, please." And instantly, like the flicking of a switch, everything about him dimmed back as if suddenly he were far away on a rainy day, only his figure discernible. What type of man orders hot chocolate, especially on a day such as this, especially with the option of black coffee? No man. No man would do such a thing- a boy, certainly, but not a man. Suddenly his hair had a boyish curl, his grin a childish quality. His leanness became lankiness. He lost ten years with those four words.

Harsh, maybe. But nothing kills a checking-someone-out-buzz than realizing the man is no man at all, and that I have more gall than he will ever have.



Thursday, April 21, 2011

pink dot

I used to say to a particular person "you're giving me the pink dot look." What I meant by this was that he would be looking at me as if I were a pink dot on a white page; it was not that he ignored everything else going on, but that, for him at that time, there was nothing else.

I want to be a red dot. Not feminine, necessarily- or at least not defined by my femininity- but strong, bold. Intrepid, to an intractable extent.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

phew, that was tiring

 I was going to post my old researched-argument paper that is the bomb diggity but I could not find it anywhere. Instead, as I was sifting through my old emails, I found this. "This" was originally an email to my high school AP Language teacher. The names have been changed because quite frankly, it's not worth the effort needed to leave them as they were. 

My ranting really is kind of exhausting to read.

So, since I am sending you my paper a little late, I thought I might as well give you a general idea of what happened last night to cause this just lovely situation.

WELL, to begin with, I wrote the entire thing by hand while "taking notes" (note the sarcasm) in Mr. Violet's class on Wednesday. I underlined, I circled, I annotated! I wrote the paper, and then rewrote it. I put a LOT of effort into this- more than many other people apparently. Anyways, I decided to wait and type it up last night, because I was already kind of busy Wednesday night what with my 3-hours-long timed writing and soapstone and PreCal and sketchpad assignments and cleaning our house for church (we have church at our house). So I'm sitting at my computer, booting up and everything, when like half a dozen pop-ups come on the screen. While I'm logging on. The sad part about this is that it is normal. But I digress (that term is one of my all time favorites). So I get logged on, and 5 more things pop up- like those little gray boxes saying stuff like "WARNING! Self-destruct in 5 NANO-SECONDS!!!". Once again, normal (and once again, very sad). I get past those (50 bonus points for moving on to level 4!), and I try to open Microsoft Word. Nothing. I try again- and again nothing. I try 19 more times. Twenty-one total. So, I stomp downstairs, rant at daddy for a few minutes about technology being stupid. He didn't really listen...that time at least. So I type up my entire paper on the family computer, get it all edited and juuuuuust right, and I got to save it. What happens? Nothing- absolutely nothing. The computer freezes like half a second before I click on the little "Save" icon. Luckily, when I stomp into daddy's room and steam for a moment, he agrees to come take care of everything. The paper gets retrieved- YAY!!!! GO DADDY!!!!- and I save it along with my art assignment to my flash drive to print out at school in the morning.

So this morning I get to school around sevenish, thinking I can get Doc to print it off for me. As I am walking up to the front door I remember, well of course Doc isn't going to be here- they have a scholar's bowl thing! So I go to the cafeteria to get a bottle of water, and then wait for fifteen minutes outside of Mr. Cod's room to get him to print it off for me. But of course he deviates (FLOCABULARY!!!) from his normal schedule the one day I need him. So I ambush Mrs. Slur and ask her for help. Her printers- yes, all THREE of them- aren't working. At this point I go to see if Ms. Mackerel is there. Nope. She's ALWAYS at school by this time (7:25) yelling at people to get back in the lunchroom. I finally get Coach Belch to let me print it off. This, of course, is horrible because I agreed LAST year to paint a mural for him that still hasn't been sketched out yet. So I get all four pages printed out (INT and my picture morgue) and I look at the last page and what is there? One paragraph. One. There should be two. Where is the second? Well my computer ate it apparently.

Saturday, April 16, 2011

Pizaa's not accentuated by tears regrets

my boss wrote this a while back, and i thought i might re-blog this (especially since i have been in a creative rant dry-spell this week). hope you all enjoy this and cry as much as i did.

There are many things I don’t know.

I don’t know you. I don’t know your name.

I don’t know if maybe your boss yelled at you yesterday, perhaps like he does every day, and sent you into your shell.

I don’t know if you’re hiding from the pain of divorce, or if your spouse passed away, and you just can’t dig out of the hole. I don’t think so, but I don’t know.

I don’t know if the little girl in the new cleats and clean uni just begging for dirt and grass stains is your daughter.

I don’t know if you had plans to beast it out with your buddies at the bar, and maybe that spouse you haven’t lost called at the last minute because a meeting ran long and you’re being daddy instead of partying with your pals.

I don’t know if maybe you’re just a jerk. That’s harsh and I’m not suggesting it. It’s just one of the things I don’t know.

I don’t know if through some friend of a friend you’ll see yourself in this and make it about me and try to come pummel me. You would miss the point.

Here’s what I know.

Across the bistro table from you last night sat this beautiful little girl of maybe 8, 9 or 10. Not so old that a tall, strapping guy like you couldn’t still put her on your shoulders where she would be taller than the whole world.

Red hair so vibrant that it shimmered despite the muted fluorescent lighting. Sparkling blue eyes, alabaster skin, a hint of freckles. Sitting so patiently, with a glimmer of hope that you would acknowledge her, and an equal trace of resignation.

I’ll call her Mary. Maybe she’s a Patti (don’t think so) or a Sandy or a Caitlyn or a Rebecca. (No, the freckles would make her a Becky, and just Becks to her oh-so-closest of friends.) I’ll call her Mary because it was the first name that popped into my mind, even though it doesn’t really fit.

If your eyes ever connected with hers I didn’t see it, but I didn’t really watch every moment. That would have been rude of me, and the fact is I couldn’t bear to.

Maybe there was more, but the only words that I observed passing at your table were from a book to your eyes, not from your lips to Mary’s ear, and a brief moment when she chatted quietly, but animatedly, on her cell phone with presumably a friend.

That’s all, until a dismissive wave and a curt, “Let’s go.”

And it broke my heart.

Because here’s something else I know. You only get to live each moment once, and you can’t get that one back.

Argue what you want about the non-linear nature of time, but reality doesn’t give us time do-overs. Doesn’t happen in baseball, doesn’t happen in life. You only get each moment one time. That’s all.

Your book will wait. The words won’t suddenly disappear – I guess that’s not exactly true anymore in the world of e-books, and I give you credit for reading a real book you could get your hands on. Kids need to see grownups reading, so, good for you.

But instead of crawling into the mind of your eight-year-old and her friends and the game she’s about to play and how do those new cleats feel and how you remember the time you made that diving catch and how time really does seem to stop from the time bat meets ball until ball meets glove – you crawled only into your book.  Maybe it was just this once. I don’t know.

I do know we only get so long to enjoy our kids being kids. And being daddies to eight-year-olds.

Pizza is not accentuated by tears or regrets.

I know.

Sunday, April 10, 2011

this is so sad, yet there is so much truth in it

I think the lonely world that I live in was perhaps self imposed at the beginning but has now become the invisible prison that I can never escape. When all we yearn for is a single soul to understand our own, the greatest pain is realizing it will never be. There is no one around me that I can feel that connected to, or share my heart with and in the absence of that emotional warmth, I only have the cold expanse of the Internet to document my human condition

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Today has just been one of those days...

David the Great: "'Microsoft crashed' is today's equivalent of 'my dog ate my homework,' and about as well received, too."

Me: -groan-
Bestie: What?
Me: -holds up glucometer (my blood sugar is 58- which, for those of you who don't know, is bad)-
Bestie: Oh. You're failing.
Me: WHAT?!
Bestie: ... 58 is a failing grade, isn't it?
Me: -facepalm-

"The Dead" is eating my soul. No, actively mauling it- like Bestie's Spanish-speaking Grizzly. 

Sunday, April 3, 2011

Alex is just so damn quotable

slowly killing oneself.... "Hemingway did it with alcohol and women, I can do it with coffee."

all of my roommates are the exact opposite of me... "I'm an extrovert, like a champ."

Friday, April 1, 2011

Oh stumbleupon....

(from themonicabird.com/post/3273155431/date-a-girl-who-reads-date-a-girl-who-spends-her)


"Date a girl who reads. Date a girl who spends her money on books instead of clothes. She has problems with closet space because she has too many books. Date a girl who has a list of books she wants to read, who has had a library card since she was twelve.

Find a girl who reads. You’ll know that she does because she will always have an unread book in her bag.She’s the one lovingly looking over the shelves in the bookstore, the one who quietly cries out when she finds the book she wants. You see the weird chick sniffing the pages of an old book in a second hand book shop? That’s the reader. They can never resist smelling the pages, especially when they are yellow.

She’s the girl reading while waiting in that coffee shop down the street. If you take a peek at her mug, the non-dairy creamer is floating on top because she’s kind of engrossed already. Lost in a world of the author’s making. Sit down. She might give you a glare, as most girls who read do not like to be interrupted. Ask her if she likes the book.

Buy her another cup of coffee.

Let her know what you really think of Murakami. See if she got through the first chapter of Fellowship. Understand that if she says she understood James Joyce’s Ulysses she’s just saying that to sound intelligent. Ask her if she loves Alice or she would like to be Alice.

It’s easy to date a girl who reads. Give her books for her birthday, for Christmas and for anniversaries. Give her the gift of words, in poetry, in song. Give her Neruda, Pound, Sexton, Cummings. Let her know that you understand that words are love. Understand that she knows the difference between books and reality but by god, she’s going to try to make her life a little like her favorite book. It will never be your fault if she does.

She has to give it a shot somehow.

Lie to her. If she understands syntax, she will understand your need to lie. Behind words are other things: motivation, value, nuance, dialogue. It will not be the end of the world.

Fail her. Because a girl who reads knows that failure always leads up to the climax. Because girls who understand that all things will come to end. That you can always write a sequel. That you can begin again and again and still be the hero. That life is meant to have a villain or two.

Why be frightened of everything that you are not? Girls who read understand that people, like characters, develop. Except in the Twilightseries.

If you find a girl who reads, keep her close. When you find her up at 2 AM clutching a book to her chest and weeping, make her a cup of tea and hold her. You may lose her for a couple of hours but she will always come back to you. She’ll talk as if the characters in the book are real, because for a while, they always are.

You will propose on a hot air balloon. Or during a rock concert. Or very casually next time she’s sick. Over Skype.

You will smile so hard you will wonder why your heart hasn’t burst and bled out all over your chest yet. You will write the story of your lives, have kids with strange names and even stranger tastes. She will introduce your children to the Cat in the Hat and Aslan, maybe in the same day. You will walk the winters of your old age together and she will recite Keats under her breath while you shake the snow off your boots.

Date a girl who reads because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who can give you the most colorful life imaginable. If you can only give her monotony, and stale hours and half-baked proposals, then you’re better off alone. If you want the world and the worlds beyond it, date a girl who reads.

Or better yet, date a girl who writes."

I really rather like this...



Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am in a thousand winds that blow,
I am the softly falling snow.
I am the gentle showers of rain,
I am the fields of ripening grain.
I am in the morning hush,
I am in the graceful rush
Of beautiful birds in circling flight,
I am the starshine of the night.
I am in the flowers that bloom,
I am in a quiet room.
I am in the birds that sing,
I am in each lovely thing.
Do not stand at my grave bereft
I am not there. I have not left.

-Mary Elizabeth Frye (1932)