For me the greatest beauty always lies in the greatest clarity.
Gotthold Ephraim Lessing

Final Reflective Essay

Sometime in mid October I went home for the day (I have the luxury of living close enough to do so) and ended my excursion by grabbing some much needed coffee with a close friend. This “friend” is so close that I consider him a sibling as much as I consider my own flesh-and-blood sister a sibling; this friend knows more about me than most. He and I were musing on college and the cycles one goes through when hit with the culture shock that is going to any college, whether a large state school like the one he is attending or a small private school such as I am attending. After a moment of thoughtful quiet, he urgently glanced at me with a baffled expression and stated “I think you have always been a college student.” We both paused before laughing, and the conversation thereafter became diluted with small talk.

Looking back on our conversation, I have come to realize that in many ways he was right. The independence and intellectualness that college students are so often stereotyped as having is as much a part of me (and always has been) as my quirky sense of humor and malfunctioning pancreas. However, these are the two qualities that I am sure many people develop upon their entrance into the collegiate world. Obviously I can not develop that which I already have, and so I believe the impact college has had on me thus far is more emotional and spiritual, and subsequently a little harder to see from day to day.

Rather than having many little fun changes and improvements, I see only two true leaps in character within myself. I have leveled, in two ways. I always found the most interest in romanticism, in relationships and the like; I always let my world orbit around my romantic endeavors. In retrospect, I see this behavior as a reaction to (at the risk of sounding clichéd) not having God and Jesus in my life. However, now that “I have found Jesus!” my boyfriend is not at the front of my mind every minute of every day, and neither is anything else, for that matter. My focus has become dispersed evenly amongst everything deserving my attention. I view this as a positive improvement, this shift in perceived priorities.

When reading The Call of Service, I found the section pertaining to service, in particular the subsection concerning personal favors and actions as a form of service, very familiar. Though I have never participated in a mission trip to some desolate corner of the world, I do consider myself service oriented—just on a personal note. I am easily the “mother of everyone” and I definitely help hold my family together. Because of this, I view my emotional and spiritual growth as invaluable. I hope to use my newfound stability to continue mothering everyone in my “world.”

Since the beginning of this semester, turmoil has bubbled over in my family, and I, always the ‘mature’ one, have ended up in the big middle of it all. A year ago I would have either ducked and ran or broken under the pressure; however, I have yet to do either of these things. I better understand my responsibility to those I love and I have the humility to go to God when I feel as if I draw near my crumbling point. The newfound stability of my priorities allows me to not become drawn up into the drama of all that happens at home. It allows me to step back, regain my sanity, and observe so that I may help those I love with objective (and thus typically more valuable) advice; I no longer stay up to three or four in the morning helping people with my head-nodding and “mhmm”ing, which truthfully was never that helpful in the first place.

My improvements and how I choose to use them may not fall squarely and comfortably into the traditionally-interpreted category of “service.” However, one of the more important things I have come to realize is this: no small act of kindness ever stops in one place or with one person. My service to those that I love and care about will make an impact (however grand or miniscule) on those around them, and the kindness will continue to spread in ripples.

Moot- v. To discuss hypothetically a. Not worth arguing about (thanks, Dr. H)

Griffific

Beguiled

Dibified, courtesy of Jordan D.

Superjew! Thanks to Patricia

Misplaced Modifier: no one protects you from mayhem in the world like allstate.

Epic

Extraneous

Word of the day, thanks to That 70s Show: "man-panties"

Loopified

Churlish (courtesy of my friend Joy) and phallic

Unctuous

My irk of the day? The phrase "wasting tax-payers money."

I thought this might be interesting for someone to read.

Clair-ity:
My name, Clair Ellyn, means clear bright light. I am told this meaning suits my person quite well, as I seem to look under the dishonest grime of things and shed light upon the truth. I, however, am apathetic to the meaning of my name. I am Clair, Clair I am; neither does this immutable reality grace me with a sense of pride nor does it weigh me in shame.

I would not change my name- no, any other just would not do. One grows into one’s name, just as one grows into expectations, and were I an Elizabeth, or an Abigail, I would be far less myself. Of course, this is not the only reason I prefer my own christening to the countless others I could call my own. With what other name can I trace my own backwards, to my namesake, the moon? My mother adored the Debussy composition, “Clair De Lune,” which of course means moonlight. Does there exist a more delightful namesake? Far too many worship the garish sun, and far too many sprout their names from a rose; the moon, however, represents that which is unique and slightly askew. And of course, I hold far more frivolous reasons for preferring my name over the numerous others I could claim. Clair, derived from Claire, springs from French rooting, a detail over which I giggle in delight- I absolutely adore the sound, the ebb and flow, of the French language.

My name, when spoken, does not bring to mind the memory of a startled screech; one does not open one’s mouth wide when pronouncing the single syllable, as in exotic names such as Akaya and Dalia. Nor does my name sound as if it should spring from the lips of a heavy set German; one does not make a guttural sound within the five simple letters, as one would when pronouncing names such as Gertrude and Bridget. Rather, Clair is spoken with a careful, close movement of the lips and palette, not unlike the measured motion one would invoke when whispering intimately in another’s ear.

"Wiley table"

"Pathetic heap of a human"

Jug, froth, impetuous, boob, moob, torpedo, missile, broad, bra, people

Reasonably and considerably are fun words, especially when used together.

Word of the day: malem. Like a harem, only with a bunch of guys rather than a bunch of girls.

Automobiles

Ever notice how silly some car names are? Mazda. Taurus. Seriously, who came up with these?

Drops of Water

I really love the rain. Even though rain really is only a bunch of drops of water falling from the sky, something resulting from a very logical and scientific process- well I still can not help but feel as if it has Muse like qualities. I always have the urge to make something when it is raining. Unfortunately the universe seems to have this amusement with sending these random creative urges at the same time that I come up with writer's block. SO this is me making something completely pointless. Hope you enjoyed it.

absit omen

absit omen: (Latin) let an omen be absent. In other words, "let there not be an omen here". Expresses the wish that something seemingly ill-boding does not turn out to be an omen for future events, and calls on divine protection against evil.

An appropriate phrase for this particular post.

The other day one of my coworkers mentioned that she has a will in her car, and that she has stored an updated will in her glove-box for as long as she has had a car. And it made me think, why don't I have a will? I have at least a little bit of money, and a decent amount of possessions. So as written below, as my first post, my unofficial will.


At the time of my death any money in my bank accounts amounting to less than fifty-thousand United States dollars should be placed in a savings account. This account should be used towards paying for my younger sister's college education. Any money left over from this deposit should be given to my mother, in order to either aid in the publishing of her manuscripts, the beautification of her library, or the purchase of a BMW.

My car and all technical equipment (computers and the like) should go directly to my father. All paperwork (Journals, essays, sketchbooks, etc), all books, all CDs, and my stereo should go to my boyfriend. All keepsakes and trinkets from my junior year of high school on should go to my boyfriend. All keepsakes and trinkets from before this time should go to my mother.

Everything else should be made available for friends or IMMEDIATE family (mother, father, sister) to claim on a first-come-first-serve basis. Everything left over can either be donated or sold. In the event that a profit is made, the money should be placed in the aforementioned savings account, even if this placement causes the balance to exceed fifty-thousand United States dollars.

Under no circumstances is anything to be made available to extended family or the douche-bag. My mother will know who the douche-bag refers to.

Anyways, thank you for reading. Hopefully the next post will assume a slightly cheerier tone.