For me the greatest beauty always lies in the greatest clarity.
Gotthold Ephraim Lessing

Final Reflective Essay

Sometime in mid October I went home for the day (I have the luxury of living close enough to do so) and ended my excursion by grabbing some much needed coffee with a close friend. This “friend” is so close that I consider him a sibling as much as I consider my own flesh-and-blood sister a sibling; this friend knows more about me than most. He and I were musing on college and the cycles one goes through when hit with the culture shock that is going to any college, whether a large state school like the one he is attending or a small private school such as I am attending. After a moment of thoughtful quiet, he urgently glanced at me with a baffled expression and stated “I think you have always been a college student.” We both paused before laughing, and the conversation thereafter became diluted with small talk.

Looking back on our conversation, I have come to realize that in many ways he was right. The independence and intellectualness that college students are so often stereotyped as having is as much a part of me (and always has been) as my quirky sense of humor and malfunctioning pancreas. However, these are the two qualities that I am sure many people develop upon their entrance into the collegiate world. Obviously I can not develop that which I already have, and so I believe the impact college has had on me thus far is more emotional and spiritual, and subsequently a little harder to see from day to day.

Rather than having many little fun changes and improvements, I see only two true leaps in character within myself. I have leveled, in two ways. I always found the most interest in romanticism, in relationships and the like; I always let my world orbit around my romantic endeavors. In retrospect, I see this behavior as a reaction to (at the risk of sounding clichéd) not having God and Jesus in my life. However, now that “I have found Jesus!” my boyfriend is not at the front of my mind every minute of every day, and neither is anything else, for that matter. My focus has become dispersed evenly amongst everything deserving my attention. I view this as a positive improvement, this shift in perceived priorities.

When reading The Call of Service, I found the section pertaining to service, in particular the subsection concerning personal favors and actions as a form of service, very familiar. Though I have never participated in a mission trip to some desolate corner of the world, I do consider myself service oriented—just on a personal note. I am easily the “mother of everyone” and I definitely help hold my family together. Because of this, I view my emotional and spiritual growth as invaluable. I hope to use my newfound stability to continue mothering everyone in my “world.”

Since the beginning of this semester, turmoil has bubbled over in my family, and I, always the ‘mature’ one, have ended up in the big middle of it all. A year ago I would have either ducked and ran or broken under the pressure; however, I have yet to do either of these things. I better understand my responsibility to those I love and I have the humility to go to God when I feel as if I draw near my crumbling point. The newfound stability of my priorities allows me to not become drawn up into the drama of all that happens at home. It allows me to step back, regain my sanity, and observe so that I may help those I love with objective (and thus typically more valuable) advice; I no longer stay up to three or four in the morning helping people with my head-nodding and “mhmm”ing, which truthfully was never that helpful in the first place.

My improvements and how I choose to use them may not fall squarely and comfortably into the traditionally-interpreted category of “service.” However, one of the more important things I have come to realize is this: no small act of kindness ever stops in one place or with one person. My service to those that I love and care about will make an impact (however grand or miniscule) on those around them, and the kindness will continue to spread in ripples.

Moot- v. To discuss hypothetically a. Not worth arguing about (thanks, Dr. H)