From what I understand, prayer and scripture help people love God. I sort of understand this, as one is talking to Him and one is reading a story centered about Him. But I can not relate to this. I don't feel close to God when I'm praying; I feel like I'm leaving a message on an answering machine. "Hey God, it's Clair again. The thing with my parents is really bugging me, and I used a curse word the other day. Sorry. Anyways, get back to me when you can. You know where to find me." Click. The end. And I don't think "wow, God really is great" when I read the Bible. I think something along the lines of "hey, that's cool!" Though I must admit I love all of the literary-ness of scripture; to me, the effort He put into scripture really comes out in the words, and that effort translates to his love for us. That thought process doesn't really come up unless I am forced into a corner with a question like "How does the Bible illustrate God's love for us?"
But I still don't innately feel loved by Him or feel love for Him in these circumstances.
In chapel, when the student body is singing in chorus. Or on top of Monte Sano, where you can see the valleys and mountains and everything in between. Or in the achingly tender love of a man, or a friend, or my mother. That's where I find His love and my own love for Him. The feeling of infinity that appears when I am but one in a crowd of thousands, the beauty of music or nature, the contentment in baring my soul to another.
In Surprised by Joy, CS Lewis uses a "little 'r' big 'r'" explanation to prove God's existence; because we, reasoning beings (little 'r') exist, then a greater reasoning being (big 'r') must exist. This greater being, of course, is meant to be God. I think this concept applies to my situation. Being one in the crowd mimics being annihilated in the infinite, baring my soul to another mimics baring it to God. Nature and music god set in this world for our enjoyment, showing His love for us.
But I still don't innately feel loved by Him or feel love for Him in these circumstances.
In chapel, when the student body is singing in chorus. Or on top of Monte Sano, where you can see the valleys and mountains and everything in between. Or in the achingly tender love of a man, or a friend, or my mother. That's where I find His love and my own love for Him. The feeling of infinity that appears when I am but one in a crowd of thousands, the beauty of music or nature, the contentment in baring my soul to another.
In Surprised by Joy, CS Lewis uses a "little 'r' big 'r'" explanation to prove God's existence; because we, reasoning beings (little 'r') exist, then a greater reasoning being (big 'r') must exist. This greater being, of course, is meant to be God. I think this concept applies to my situation. Being one in the crowd mimics being annihilated in the infinite, baring my soul to another mimics baring it to God. Nature and music god set in this world for our enjoyment, showing His love for us.
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