Loving someone is knowing everything about them and not particularly caring

From what I understand, prayer and scripture help people love God. I sort of understand this, as one is talking to Him and one is reading a story centered about Him. But I can not relate to this. I don't feel close to God when I'm praying; I feel like I'm leaving a message on an answering machine. "Hey God, it's Clair again. The thing with my parents is really bugging me, and I used a curse word the other day. Sorry. Anyways, get back to me when you can. You know where to find me." Click. The end. And I don't think "wow, God really is great" when I read the Bible. I think something along the lines of  "hey, that's cool!" Though I must admit I love all of the literary-ness of scripture; to me, the effort He put into scripture really comes out in the words, and that effort translates to his love for us. That thought process doesn't really come up unless I am forced into a corner with a question like "How does the Bible illustrate God's love for us?"

But I still don't innately feel loved by Him or feel love for Him in these circumstances.

In chapel, when the student body is singing in chorus. Or on top of Monte Sano, where you can see the valleys and mountains and everything in between. Or in the achingly tender love of a man, or a friend, or my mother. That's where I find His love and my own love for Him. The feeling of infinity that appears when I am but one in a crowd of thousands, the beauty of music or nature, the contentment in baring my soul to another.

In Surprised by Joy, CS Lewis uses a "little 'r' big 'r'" explanation to prove God's existence; because we, reasoning beings (little 'r') exist, then a greater reasoning being (big 'r') must exist. This greater being, of course, is meant to be God. I think this concept applies to my situation. Being one in the crowd mimics being annihilated in the infinite, baring my soul to another mimics baring it to God. Nature and music god set in this world for our enjoyment, showing His love for us. 

rambles regarding religion (and a spot of randomocity)

*Free Will n. philosophy: the doctrine that the conduct of human beings expresses personal choice and is not simply determined by physical or divine forces.

Let me begin with a disclaimer: if you do not believe in free will and have a tendency to get all bent out of shape by people who do, you might want to stop reading.GREAT! Now that that is out of the way... people who do not believe in free will truly crack me up. I get this visual of some mousy character, very sexless as well, just bumbling along saying stuff like "Well if God wills it...." and "Its not like I have a choice..." We have been discussing this in my CS Lewis Topic Philosophy class, and the topic of Epistemic Distance came up. Epistemic distance is a distance in knowledge, but in the Biblical sense of the word "know," as in to be with something is to know the something. We spoke in class about how we would not have free will if God did not keep an appropriate epistemic distance from us. He must neither be too close nor too far, for in the end the choice to love Him and follow Him must be ours and ours alone. "We are free, and God has granted us this great gift of freedom in a desire that we will use this to be with Him; united with Him and still distinct."


*The Ten Commandments (slightly... okay, really abbreviated)
1. No other gods
2. No idols
3. Do not take the Lord's name in vain
4. Keep the Sabbath
5. Honor your parents
6. Do not kill
7. Do not commit adultery
8. Do not steal
9. Do not bear false witness
10. Do not covet

A lot of people think- or at least, a lot of people in my Bible class think- that because the Ten Commandments are of the Old Testament, and thus made obsolete by the whole Jesus thing, they do not apply to Christians and do not need to be strictly followed by Christians. I disagree (otherwise I would not be rambling about it all). These laws/rules are often taken out of context, or elaborated upon to ensure the obedience of those who keep them, or just neglected because of apathy or arrogance, and I believe these unfortunaties happen because of a gross misinterpretation of the Law. God set these ten little things out for humanity so as to protect us from ourselves and each other, and to allow the love due to neighbor and self and God to grow. Of course, some of these rules are a kind of "no duh" statement- don't kill, steal, sleep around, lie- and thus fairly easy to follow. Others are sneaky- we think we follow them when in actuality we are in direct rebellion against them. Do not worship idols.  An idol can be anything, from the typical culprits- sex, money, drugs- to the less obvious ones- children, family, country. How many times has our society put a greater emphasis on children than the relationship that made them; how many times has a nationalistic fervor racked our country; how many times has someone done an atrocity in the name of family. Honor your parents, which, by the way, does not merely mean respecting them. It means being the type of person that makes people praise those who made one that way. Personally, I hope that every word that falls from my mouth illuminates my mother and father for the extraordinary parents they are. Keep the Sabbath. This is the one statement that so many people seem to have a serious problem with. It was set in place for two reasons: to provide rest for everyone and to allow time to worship. The Sabbath, in true God-fashion, is logical to its core. Humans need rest, but we often deprive ourselves and each other of this necessity; God fixed this problem by making it required. Kind of like a bedtime for humanity. So yeah, maybe the Law was sort of condensed and/or negated by Christ, but honestly? We should do this stuff even if we no longer are required to.

On the random:

This afternoon, I sat in on a lecture regarding chaos theory and fractals and they are FREAKING AMAZING! I have an inner math nerd, and she is very happy right now.The lecture was in conjunction with a play going on right now- Arcadia by Tom Stoppard. The play is fantabulously hilarious.

*I encourage anyone who either disagrees with me or is very enthusiastic in their agreeing to comment, But please, keep it friendly. 

Positivity

"This is the day which the LORD hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it." Psalm 118:24

My mother used to recite this verse when I was little, and it seemed to pop up a lot in our home. It is, I think, a very decent representation of how one should view... well, everything.

On pacifism

pac-i-fism: n. 1. opposition to war or violence of any kind 2. refusal to engage in military activity because of one's principles or beliefs 3. the principle or policy that all differences among nations should be adjusted without recourse to war*

The subject of pacifism arose in my religion class today, and so I thought I might post something about it on a very popular social networking site. Here are the three major responses I received to my prompt.

"It's the extreme of a spectrum of ideologies that places faith in the 'natural desire' of people to live in peace with each other, despite racial, cultural, religious, or other differences that may divide them. Because it is an extreme, it is practically useless in the world of today. I am, of course, speaking on a national scale. Speaking on a personal scale, it would be more correct to refer to this as being non-confrontational or something to that extent."

"Pacifism, in the sense of liking peace, should be everyone's ideal. However, in the sense of being afraid of violence, that's foolish. Sometimes, violence (even war) is necessary to protect the innocent."

"Theologically, for me, pacifism has to do with the ushering of God's kingdom of peace. It will not work for nations since they do not follow an ethic of God's kingdom. It was prophesied by the prophets. Isaiah and Micah both said, the day w...ill come when people will "beat their swords into plowshares, their spears into pruning hooks." However, pacifism is a misnomer. Instead of being passive about something, it refers to the creative use of nonviolence to enact change and to reverse control. (Someone will throw that Edmund Burke quote about this moment). Violence is about keeping the illusion of control and strength. That's why the Sermon on the Mount has those twists on conventional ethics. Roman legionnaires could force subjugated people to carry baggage for only a mile. If someone were willing to carry it the extra mile, then the Roman soldier would be in the wrong and lose control of the situation (From Walter Wink). Pacifism as commonly constructed is based on 19th c. Liberal Modernism that thinks everybody will get along because humanity is basically good. Scripture and theology routinely teaches us that this is not the case. We live in a fallen world, but Christians are called to live no longer like the world and use its mean to usher change. In the early church, converts either left the Roman legions or moved to noncombatant roles like the postal service or firefighting. Martin of Tours felt this way. To quote the title of MLK Jr's book, it takes "strength to love" our enemies, but it will transform them.
It's not just an ivory tower either. Currently, Christian peacemaking teams exist in Africa, the Middle East, and other places around the globe. In this country, Christian communities are trying to transform area by living different than the neighbors round about them (Rootba House, the Simple Way, Koinonia Farms), while the churches collect offerings to support "programs." One can be a Christian and still use the Just War Theory, but if that theory was carried to its fullest many will find that most of the conflicts we term wars are not just. Nonviolence becomes a complete way to live life God's way as far as I can tell."

*definition courtesy of dictionary.com

On Spirituality*

I suppose it is about time for a little ramble on my beliefs (and this may or may not be spurred by the collection of scandalous words over there). While discussing religion, God, and spirituality with a dear friend of mine, I decided that I can not say that I am "Baptist" or "Catholic" or anything else for that matter- my views just do not fall squarely into any one denomination. So here goes- a list of what I believe. Any objections should be taken up with me in "the back room"- that is to say, privately.

1. God is all love. He does not cause sickness, death, pain, etc. These things come from the Great Villain.
2. And thus, God does not "test" us. Why would someone who loves us so unconditionally place obstacles such as adultery, illness, unemployment in our paths? Once again, these come from the Great Villain, who slips in when we turn away from God.
3. Hell may exist, but it was never meant for humanity.
4. When people die, they do not go to heaven, and they most certainly do not go to hell. When one dies, one is dead. There is nothing there. When Christ returns, those bound for heaven will rise and go there, and everyone else will stay dead. Think of a number line- we can only hit zero (death); negative numbers (hell) are not meant for us.
5. Sin is sin- none is greater than any other.
6. Yes, homosexuality is a sin, but so are many other things. For instance, lying. If we took lying so seriously, the news would be plastered with stories of politicians being attacked, their houses vandalized, and of riots and mobs outside their workplaces.
7. Just because there is not a hell, and just because sin is sin, and just because God is love and will forgive us just as readily the hundredth time as the first- these are not good reasons to let immorality reign. We should be good people because we want to be, not because we are scared into it by some idiotic fire and brimstone sermon.
8. God has a sense of humor- I mean, have you EVER SEEN A PLATYPUS?!
9. I sincerely doubt that God cares if we drop curse words occasionally. It is all in the usage; the 'f' word, damn, bitch- these are often much less hurtful and offensive than words like fat, promiscuous, and many racially derogatory terms.
10. As my dear friend put it, God sees who is going to be saved and places the necessary elements in that person's walk towards and through spirituality in order to assure the individual's success.
11. God works with all elements, good and bad alike.
12. Prayer is private.
13. Dancing does not make you pregnant, and instruments do not degrade worship.
14. My body may be a temple, but it is my body.
15. Religion is of man. Spirituality is of God.
16. The Trinity is a river near my hometown- not a logical spiritual concept.
17. Confess Jesus as your savior, and guess what? You are saved. End of story.
18. It is more important that heaven exists than that we ever get there. (CS Lewis)
19. "Family" is centered around husband and wife, not the idolatry of children.
20. We will always benefit from the truth. It may take years for the usefulness of such to come about, but it will. It always does.
21. Sexuality is not evil, but can be used for evil things.
22. Morality may be something we have to work for everyday, but that is no excuse to not try.
23. Spirituality is a vital part of humanity- without the sheen, the glitter if you will of the spiritual, we are quite dull and without interest. It is what quickens us, what makes us breathe deeper and ponder everything.

-Clair

"It is not settled happiness but momentary joy that glorifies the past." -CS Lewis