An Ode to Carmen

God's Way

You know that phrase "Friends are God's way of apologizing for family"? Well whoever came up that was a genius. GENIUS. And probably had certain parts of my family in mind. But that is beside the point. Anyways, my bestie (lovely girly word) and I have come up with an ongoing chain of phrases based on that phrase.

As it always is with the best and most humorous ideas, this started with French fries.

"French fries are God's way of apologizing for salads."

"Chick-Fil-A is God's way of apologizing for McDonald's"

"Coffee is God's way of apologizing for the toils of college."

"Espresso is God's way of apologizing for people who make weak coffee."

"Being home is God's way of apologizing for packing."

And here are a few of our better collective moments...

ME: "where spanish violently mauls your soul as a rabid grizzly bear, german systematically eats away at mine like that gross spider thing" Bestie is a English major, Spanish/Psych double minor. I'm the same thing, but with German. Her Spanish class has been horrifically hard for her, and German has been about as difficult for me as 2+2 is for an astrophysicist.

ME: apparently hondas are supposed to survive the apocalypse along with twinkies and cockroaches, but i don't wanna risk a drive to LSU 

ME: Who gives a FLYING PIXIE? The job that Bestie and I both do is incredibly dull, and has elicited angry outbursts from the both of us. Since my angry outbursts would usually (and understandably) contain curse words, I had to come up with a fun alternative that would not result in angry words from my boss. So pixie is now a curse word.

BESTIE: I fall down the stairs, H gets eaten by an elevator... I don't know what's going to happen to you two (ME and Boy C), but one time it's probably going to involve a lawn mower. H. and Bestie have had a series of Final Destination-esque moments over the past couple of weeks. It's beyond the point of funny- now it's just kind of creepy/eerie.

BESTIE:
thank you for being
my bestie twinnie-poo
despite my snarky

ness.
We like haikus...

ME: my computer drove your computer's parents insane. My computer's name is Bellatrix, her's, Neville. Yes, we're Harry Potter nerds.

BESTIE: Festering might as well be an onomatopoeia; when you think of something festering, the sound it makes is 'fester!fester!fester!

ME: i ain't yo babushka!

ME: she needs to get rid of half of her soul. she'd still have twice as much as everyone else. Bestie walks around with a halo and wings. I barely hide my horns. This is an ongoing amusement to not only us, but everyone who knows us.

BESTIE: it was a beautiful accident!
ME: the best ones are. like babies.

‎ME: do you want to just trade pancreases? I'm diabetic. She's not.

BESTIE: did you drink a cup of facetious this morning?
ME: no, but i did drink a cup of wordplay. not as strong, but quite a bit smoother, in spite of its rudimentary name. Apparently, I was being a smart ass.

BESTIE: Your English major is exposed! It's EXPOSED!

‎ME: it's so gratifying see that type of fear flare up in someone who could crush me with their big toe. I swear I have short man syndrome.

BESTIE and BROTHER:

‎"Do you know string theory at all?"
"I saw a book once that said string theory on it..." 

Late night conversations with Drake are always fun. They inevitably deteriorate into an ambiguous mass of inside jokes, physics, grammar, and youtube video references.

ME: she's gonna be one of those parents who gives her child a lemon just to watch its face. i.e. a sort of horrible parent in regard to all of the unimportant parts

BESTIE:

because you were born
a month before i was born
you are freaking old.

I am exactly a month older than her. Freaky, huh?