memo

I received this email a few days ago, and I thought it was just too funny to keep to myself. Names have been changed.

Fleischman Annex Colleagues:

In an effort to best serve you and ensure a happy and comfortable workplace (well, at least comfortable), Cheryl Johnson, Stacy Burns and I have joined forces in a moment of incredible teamwork to coordinate the sometimes and somewhat eccentric air conditioning and heating units that serve our humble office mansion. Because our singular, modular facility is actually comprised of three separate units joined in a unique symbiosis, three HVAC units, and thus, three thermostats, control our internal atmospheric conditions from day to day; nay, moment to moment. 

To help these struggling three units serve us best, Cheryl, Stacy and I have determined to ensure that all three thermostats are always set to the same temperature. We now have periodic discussions throughout the day as to what temperature setting best serves the need of that time, and once agreed, we adjust. The Corps of Engineers would do well to learn from us!

We want you to know that each of us is open to suggestions from members of our office collective because we are benevolent dictators and at least somewhat disdainful of the notion that some animals are more equal than others (despite the fact that we control the thermostats). If you get too warm, or too cold, please mention that to any one of us and we will quickly convene our committee to consider your condition. The committee is majority rule, so if any committee member is absent, the other two are empowered to act as his or her proxy. The committee will also consider fines and other potential disciplinary actions should any of our collective act unilaterally and adjust one of the thermostats without consulting the committee or, even, the other thermostats, to the dismay of other members of our collective (or even the HVAC units).

Let us be comfortable and productive in our work!

Andrew

oh dear

You just might be a grad student if:

...you can identify universities by their internet domains.

...you are constantly looking for a thesis in novels.

...you have difficulty reading anything that doesn't have footnotes.

...you understand jokes about Foucoult.

...the concept of free time scares you.

...you consider caffeine to be a major food group.

...you've ever brought books with you on vacation and actually studied.

...Saturday nights spent studying no longer seem weird.

...the professor doesn't show up to class and you discuss the readings anyway.

...you've ever travelled across two state lines specifically to go to a library.

...you appreciate the fact that you get to choose *which* twenty hours out of the day you have to work.

...you still feel guilty about giving students low grades (you'll get over it).

...you can read course books and cook at the same time.

...you schedule events for academic vacations so your friends can come.

...you hope it snows during spring break so you can get more studying in.

...you've ever worn out a library card.

...you find taking notes in a park relaxing.

...you find yourself citing sources in conversation.

...you've ever sent a personal letter with footnotes.

...you can analyze the significance of appliances you cannot operate.

...your carrel is better decorated than your apartment.

...you have ever, as a folklore project, attempted to track the progress of your own joke across the Internet.

...you are startled to meet people who neither need nor want to read.

...you have ever brought a scholarly article to a bar.

...you rate coffee shops by the availability of outlets for your laptop.

...everything reminds you of something in your discipline.

...you have ever discussed academic matters at a sporting event.

...you have ever spent more than $50 on photocopying while researching a single paper.

...there is a microfilm reader in the library that you consider "yours."

...you actually have a preference between microfilm and microfiche.

...you can tell the time of day by looking at the traffic flow at the library.

...you look forward to summers because you're more productive without the distraction of classes.

...you regard ibuprofen as a vitamin.

...you consider all papers to be works in progress.

...professors don't really care when you turn in work anymore.

...you find the bibliographies of books more interesting than the actual text.

...you have given up trying to keep your books organized and are now just trying to keep them all in the same general area.

...you have accepted guilt as an inherent feature of relaxation.

...you reflexively start analyzing those greek letters before you realize that it's a sorority sweatshirt, not an equation.

...you find yourself explaining to children that you are in "20th grade".

...you start refering to stories like "Snow White et al."

...you frequently wonder how long you can live on pasta without getting scurvy.

...you look forward to taking some time off to do laundry.

...you have more photocopy cards than credit cards.

...you wonder if APA style allows you to cite talking to yourself as "personal communication".

good morning

While checking multiple email accounts, news websites, and webcomics this morning, I came across a lovely message from my boyfriend:

I just want you to know how much I love you. It's like, you know how when you eat spaghetti and it seems like the more you eat, the more there is? That's what my love for you is. A never-ending plate of spaghetti where the spaghetti is my love for you.

This is (yet another reason) why I love him. He compares feelings to spaghetti. 

and yet I prefer it over everything else